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I just hope, I don't start gaining again. I've been able to get at least somewhat back to inital startweight of PP. So it just about trying to finally get below that, and lose the rest of this unwanted baby weight. I would love to finally be in the 150's for good. I think its a matter of determination and hardwork to get anywhere we want to go in life. Dreams are matters of goals being acheieved.
Nite. Good Luck to All :)
So today I weighed in duh duh duhhhh ready...162.4! Finally..about damn time...but didn't have much of an appetite all day yesterday. I did in the evening, but I was soo knocked out...I fell asleep around 8:30 pm. And didn't wake up till this morning aroudn 8:00 am.
we'll see how the rest of things turn out...love.
Anyways, I hope it gets better. Today and yesterday I weighed in at 163.6, 163.8 - So I'm getting there slowly but surely. I am not sure how I did after today, since I kinda ended up eating, and didn't exercise. So we'lll see tommorrow. Till next time my loves.
I've gotten back on my diet since yesterday. Today I weighed in at 165.0, probably b/c of eating much less, and running around like crazy getting things done yesterday, and to top it off ran a mile. So it showed when I was on the scale today. I can't help it but think about food whenever I have these sad feelings, but I've resisted myself too. I'm such an emotional eater, is what I've noticed. But I have to learn that in then end, food doesn't really solve my problems, it may for that moment in time. But ideally, I end up gaining and getting more depressed. So I've try to deal with the emotions. Its been really hard, I feel really really alone. I feel like I don't have a husband who loves me, or supports me in anything. Sometimes, I feel like the only reason I'm with him is because of my son. Sadly enough. I hope I really feel better.
May run a mile today, if my back gets any better. After carrying all these bags for my son from my parents house to my car, then my car to my house. I really want to just look better, and prove his ass. Like shit...ur not worth anything to me! And I can kind of scare him in a way that any guy would want me!
I still have ways to go. But as long as I'm losing, I'm doing better!!
till next time. love ya all.
So started back on my diet since Sat, Oct 24. doing alright. I got up to freakin 169 or so last freakin week. trying to recover the damage, and better yet lose more freakin weight. I am getting fustrated with the 160-169 shit back and forth. I can't seem to get less. Damn post pregnancy body. Weighed this morning Mon, Oct 26, I'm 166.4. So there is improvement. But i'm soo impatient. I guess I think that i'll lose weight overnight. But I need to remember that everything that is worth, takes hardwork!!! So everything comes with hardwork and patience! I'm hoping that by the end of this week, if possible get down to 162! I want to be in the 150's...believe it or not. i would have not sad this a year or two ago, but things have changed. My ultimate goal weight is 125 by March/April!
Highest weight: 189 Delivery day of pregnancy
Post-pregnancy after 2 month: down to 162
Then from 2 month to freakin 6 PP: 160-162
Then from 7 months to 9 months (Now): 164-169
Goal weight by November 9th (there's a wedding that day): 155
December goal: 145-140
Ultimate goal: (by April): 125
So for today (monday), I ate no breakfast in the morning. From what I remember! Then around 3 ate my first meal..cup of rice, with meat and potatoes and tomato sauce dish on top of the rice (1-1/2 cup), and 2 cheese pies, and 1 cup of mountain dew, and 1/2 of diet coke. Afterwards, ate a plum. Didn't eat anything from like 4 pm to 2 am in the morning. I just had now, a bowl of skim milk (1 1/2 cup) and (1 1/2 of raisin bran cereal). And also had my Step class today, which gones on for an hour. Considering that I ate only 1 big meal, and 1 small meal. I think I did pretty good. And I know I burned a lot off, from the cleaning today and previous days. Which explains kinda how i'm losing it faster.
-KFC (twister, fries, and diet coke, biscuit): 10 pts not including twister yet
-1 small apple: 1 pt
-Tim Hortons French Vanilla Cap 5.5 pts
-Tim Hortons Raisin Bagel with/ cream cheese 8 pts
-cup of grapes: 1pt
-2 pieces of small meat with marinara sauce
-1 cup of white rice: 4 pts
-2 cookies
UGGHHHH>>>BAD DAY!!! I'm sick as a dog, and had no energy to count or care...tommorrows a new day with new goal..even though still sick!
Breakfast:
-1 cup of skim milk: 2 pts
-honey bunches and oates 1/2 cup:
-orange: 1 pt
-kiwi: 1 pt
"I'm 5'3&half, 102-105pounds. (5more pounds to gain) ! WOOHOO!
PP was a tiny 95lbs. Delivery was 160ish. After Delivery was 130ish. Month later was 112ish. And I now still maintain my weight(:
- NO soda's. NO junk food. NO fast food. NO sweets! Also, advice to girls, NO food on oil or anything greasy. DON'T EAT after 8pm. ( I do still, but if you really want to get yourself to loose weight, don't eat at night ) Run, Cardio, Crunches. "
stick to that for now!!
nite.
-btw-last time I ate was 10 or 11 at night. And its almost 3 in the morning, and i'm starving. Usually I'll late night binge. But have controlled myself to stop.
love. peace. harmony.
"Yeah, I want to feel good about myself and that means shedding a few pounds. It means being the skinniest girl in my friend group. Or just the skinniest girl.
I've always been the small one, and I intend to keep it that way. I like my stomach flat, my hip bones protruding, my collar bones visible, my thighs not to touch. I like my arms toned and my calves not flabby. I like my size 0's to be too big and my S shirts to be baggy. I like being under 95 pounds. I like being skinny." -From someone.
Seriously like that is the story of my life right there. I really want to be skinny. And better yet I would love to be the skinnest. Flat stomach, hip bones out, collar bones, THIN, THIN, THIN!
Even my husband likes it. Sadly, he notices when a lose a few pounds. And can tell he likes it. Since I was pregnant recently, and no longer am. I have still yet to lose the weight that I gained to fast. I went from a good 160-165 range to now 167-169 range.
What I ate today:
-spanish cheese cubes raped in a half wheat pita bread (150 cals I assume)
-1/2 cup of grapes
-6 dates
-1 bowl of green beans with meat (250-300 cals I assume)
-1/2 bowl of rice with meat (150 cals)
-1 cup of skim milk
-1-1/2 cup of honey bunches n' oates cereal
-diet coke
add up the cals later.
I've been a reck about my weight. I've managed to get down to 167.4. this AM. But I was literally staving myself today, ate no more than 600 cals. Then ruined it by just eating recently 2 pieces of pizza, and meal with potatoes and meat, and glass of orange juice. That itself was probably about 500-700 cals. I just weighed myself and was like 169. How the hell do I go up that fast, I have no clue.
I'm planning on doing 40-50 crunches before I go to bed. Hopefully do something. lets hope for tommorrow being better.
GOAL FOR THE NEXT WEEK: 160
I do plan on eating the following tommorrow:
-granola oates and honey (180)
-bowl of tabolie (200)
-3 pieces of bbq chicken strips (230)
=610 cals.
I think that is a reasonable amount to eat my goal is to be down to 140-150's. My plan is trying to eat between 600-800 cals a day for about 5 days. Take a break, and then go back to the strict diet.
So haven't posted in ages. I've been awful. I know I have depression, or you can say clinically depressed. I just wonder if people from the outside can visibly notice that. My marriage has been HELL! Me and my husband barely communicate, and when we do, its horrible. I'm currently at my parents, for the next 20 days, while he's in DC finishing up his work. And then he moves here.
Honestly, I thought that being at my parents would be a sense of relief, but its not. My mom has been up my ass about my weight. I just had a baby about 4 months ago. And now weigh 160...i know horrible, disgusting, worthless. But carrying a baby completely changes ur view or ur body. I was soo damaged after I had him. I couldn't even look in the mirror. And sometimes I still can't. Even like my hips and boobs have changed. And since i'm breastfeeding...I need to be eating. I was at my highest 190 at delievery. And after delievery, I went down to 168...and have lost 6 lbs since then. But i've been 160 for the past 3 months or soo..I got to 157 for a day. And went back up. But I'm more determined. I need to lose this weight. For myself. Perhaps it will help my confidence once again. But when i was 125, i wasn't any happier..so who fucken knows...I was the most miserable at 125, because literally all I did was starve, count calories, and wait for the next day to lose more..and see how much I weighed...it was a viscous cycle, that I do not wish upon anyone.
But since my milk supply has completely dipped, due to the diet i've been on...he's been drinking a lot more formula milk. Which is much easier to diet. I know I sould selfish..but I want my body back already. Shit...i know with a 1 month of restricting I could lose a good 15-20 lbs, but its not as easy when ur son relays on for ur milk.
I've committed starting today, that I will take out all whites, sugars, and diet coke (but i LOVE diet coke)...from my diet!! Salads, and chicken will do...and will try this for a week. And see how it affects my body. There's a wedding the 13th...so I'd love to lose 5 lbs. if I can...all i've been doing lately is emotionally eating..due to my fucken marriage, relationships with family/friends...and other shit...i need to stop! food is not the solution!
My husband has a gradution tommorrow for residency.U'd think I'd be happy for him, but not sure if that's the case. As all his colleages and friends will be bringing there partner or significant other. I'm not attending, nor did he want me to atttend. FUCK HIM! He's giving me excuses saying he needs to study or what not..or needs to focus at work! Fuck that, I call him at 11:30-12 every night and he is just getting home from being out with his friends. And to add on top of it all, there we suppose to put photos of there wedding day, and children at the party. Guess what he has pics of his son, but not his wife. NOT 1 fucken pic is up of mee....honestly, he sooo overfucekn protective...god, forbead anyone see my pic or how I look like he'd flip. Even when were in the elevator, he's stands sideways so no one can be near me. It sooo sickening. I can't live like this. I just wonder, how much longer this will be? I should be there, proud wife, and honored to be there! BUT I'M NOT!!! HIS LOSE, HE WILL NOT BE ATTENDING MY GRADUATION!!!!
Once I start losing this weight, I'll make sure he regretted all the shit he has done to me. And u know that his ass, will be not getting any sex when he comes to visit, nor will I be picking up to his calls tommorrow. I want to teach this fucker a lesson.
The past 2 days I took laxatives..I know there bad, but feel soo pressured to not have any food in my body. But after last night, horrible waking up every 10 mins to go to the bathroom. I told myself I would use them just for emergency reasons. My parents even noticed how I was going to the bathroom constantly. It was painful and not something I would like to experience again...uggh. Anyway, today I've been semi-good. Let's see, had the following: cereal and milk (250), veggies bowl for lunch (abt 150 cals), 2 bags of small chips (100 cals each=200 cals), 1 rice krispy (90 cals), bowl of watermelon (150 cals), 2 small semi made sandwich I made (90 cals), 5 strawberries (50 cals)
250
150
200
150
90
90
50
--------
980 cals hopefully around that range...given that fact that some of the things I am estimating the cal intake..since I don't really know.
But I do feel much lighter today. And even though that sounds like a lot to many. Its light for me. The reason I probably wasn't losing before is because I was eating the average amount of food to maintain for my body.
But now, i'm starting off by eating between 800-1000 cals a day, which I should be losing. The average person should have between at least 1200-1500 cals to maintinan. So I believe at this rate, I should lose.
I just hope I can control my late cravings. I haven't eaten since 10 or 11 pm. And its 4:30 in the morning, and I'm starving. Hopefully it gets better...
i don't even remember wat i weighed this morning, b/c of how many times i weighed myself. I just feel like i'm not progressing. Seriously I go back and forth between 150-152...i'm mean i feel like its not even worth it...and honestly, i feel like i am restricting. I can only image if i just let myself to eat whatever I want, what I would be. I'm frustrated, annoyed, mad, sad, every emotion possible. I can't believe I got this low, and let myself go to such a high weight. I feel like i have no more power or control over what I eat.
I'm going through the hardest thing, with living with my parents, and leaving my husband behind. Food is only thing that comforts me. I feel like I can handle what I'm going through with food. But the only problem, is by doing that I'm just not lossing at all...more like gaining.
What I really need to do, is figure out my calorie intake before hand, and stick with it...i feel like 1000 cals is too high..(in order to lose weight), probably 800..a day.
Today, I did okay...took 3 laxs b/c I felt I ate too much (which I did eat, chocolate, and chips-as a treat), with a whole lot of other shit...but ya most of it just came out. I also burned 300 cals on the tredmill....
I just hope I'm at 150 tommorrow. So I can now progress by knowing what my calories intake is.
I went to the gym today (did a really hard workout) burned burned about 250 cals in less than 30 minutes. But my pass was pretty fast. I did feel the burn and actually being more effective...ugghhh..i just need to stick with working out more, consistently as routine.
losing weight takes a lot of work...and anyone who says that there naturally skinny is a bullshit lier, like my sister in law. she goes on saying how its soo hard to gain weight..and everyone in her fam is skinny. bitch-first off, ur not that skinny. secondly-u don't eat shit...that's why ur skinny. i truly believe a naturally skinny person would be able to eat anything and not gain. but she's not like that, she really never eats.
ugg...i'm sick of her and my mom. i'm just not getting along with anyone in my fam. i haven't see my hubby in like over a month. and its been very hard on me. and everyone here has been getting on my last nerves.
was planning on going to the gym, i'm not even in the mood. i may just run 2 miles at home and do some ab work. my mom hasn't just pissed me off like every other fucken day...uggh..
i really am more movtivated to lose so weight. not soo dramatic, but get the hell out of this shitty 1-2 gain/loss..there are times, when i really don't have time to work the effort for my health. but what has made more motivated is that my damn pants are sooo tight. I have to like unbutton my pants sometimes...so, i really don't feel comfortable where i'm at. and with some work, it shall be done!
tommorrows plan:
-going to the gym
-eating veggies, fruits (600-800 cals)
Last night was for some reason really brutal. I was in a lot of pain, nausea, diarahea, and can go on...and on top of it, my stomach was growling, after I had eaten. I guess I was still hungry, but didn't allow myself to eat more. So this morning i'm 151.2, instead of yesterday's 151.8. I could do better, but seriously being in this house is the reason, why I eat more than i should. My mom up my ass constantly, about shit like school, sleeping, and my diet. Makes me want to eat in order to hide my emotions. Yesterday, she fucken came home, looking at me and goes omg, stop sleeping. She proposes that sleeping makes a person's face bigger. Wtf?? Anyway, i just ignored her, than, she got her cell phone, and took a pic of me, and start giving me stares. Telling me, this is a memory. Memory my ass, I don't want u to be a memory. Honeslty, who would do that. I do know she's trying to prove her fucken point, but she's soooo mean abt it.
Anyway, I am just tired of it all. This house, school, my diet...everything! I'm just over it. People have been talking soo much shit about me and school, and I am pretty sure my mom is the reason why they do. She doesn't defend me, most of the time. She doesn't complement me. And she isn't that nurturing mother, I always wanted. She's the straight in your face, mean rude person.
